YOU are a tough guy

The deacon does this every (week)day for you! You, with the green teeth, and the pungent b.o. You, with the questionable taste and offensive breath. You, reading this in your boxers and wifebeater, eating your Frosted Flakes, and drinking your Vitamin Water. You've given the deac your attention and adulation, but the deac has given you hours of endless entertainment. How can you possibly repay him? For all these reasons and more, YOU are today's tough guy.

Snoop is a tough guy

Well, damn if Snoop ain't the realest mutha in London right now. The toughest thing the deac and his entourage ever did was move a Wet Floor sign from a Hardee's in Virginia to a parking lot half a mile away. Normally, the deaconator would place Snoop on notice, but I think I'll let this one slide. The deac has a family to think about.

Work is a tough guy

The deacster's too busy for you, his loyal readers. Work actually (finally) beckons! Who knows? The deacon may return later on today to entertain and enthrall you.

Ana Lucia is not a tough guy

Ana Lucia is definitely not tough - she is a 'tard. In a bid to win Jack's affections, she has opted out of community service and a fine, and instead has chosen to spend five days in the clink. No matter how much time you spend in the slammer, or how many people you waste on the island, Kate will always be tougher than you, Ana Lucia. She blew up her f'ing dad's house, fer cryin' out loud! Plus, her freckles are mesmerizing. You should stick with someone more your tough-level...someone like the recently-departed Arzt!

Jack Bauer's hood is a tough guy

In last night's episode of 24, it was revealed that Jack Bauer's hood renders him invisible to the naked eye. Once Agent Bauer donned said hood, he was able to sneak onto a jetliner unseen. Where, the deac wonders, did he obtain such an item? Surely, invisible hoods aren't for sale at your local Old Navy. Methinks Jack Bauer purchased the hoodie at the same store that sells hoverboards.

Keith Hernandez is infallible / Thurman is a tough guy

A loyal reader took it upon himself to nominate Keith Hernandez to this vaunted blog. First off, let the deacster remind you all of the March 28th post, wherein the deacon stated his policy on nominee submissions. Secondly, Keith Hernandez is infallible, having earned this status in October of 1986.

In closing, for (1) deliberately breaking a cardinal rule of this blog, and (2) deigning to offer Mr. Hernandez up as a sacrificial lamb, Thurman Manlkejfeosat is a tough guy.

Time wasting is a tough guy

The deacster cannot count the myriad ways he has wasted his time over the past several moons. This blog, for instance, has been a tremendous waste of time. Who the hell is even reading anymore? Booklearning has also been a wash - the deacon doesn't even remember half the crap he's read. The Sopranos owes the deaconator 6 hours of his life back. To these, and all the other outrageously wasteful endeavors to have filled this deac's life among the electrical lights, the deacon gives you the one-finger salute. It must be tough being so tough.

Stacy = Ultra-Tough

The deacster boos her, and yet she has the COJONES to try and steal a chocolate from the deac's Gong Show Goblet of Candy? The gall of this woman! The gall!

Stacy is a tough guy

Dear Abby you're not, Stacy! Boo to you! Boo to the nth degree. Boo! Boo! A trillion times Boo!

The CRE is a tough guy

Here we are, mere hours from the premiere of the CR Experience. The crowd is abuzz with anticipation. Tickets sold out months ago. News cameras are hastily setting up. The deacon spoke to one eager fan just moments ago...

Deaconator: What do you think of these guys?
Steaky Folgers: I LOVE the Chris Razon Experience. They're my favorite death metal band.
D: They don't play death metal.
S: Really? They sound pretty hardcore to me.
Hon': To her, the CRE:death metal::ketchup:spice.
S: I'm getting ANGRY now! That's not right!

And there you have it, folks...proof positive that the CRE is this year's hottest new band!

Team Sideswipe is a tough guy

After a year-and-a-half hiatus, Team Sideswipe arose from the ashes, once again waging its battle to destroy the evil forces of the Inepticons of Big City Volleyball. Slight amounts of rust were shaken off in the first game, but, in the deacon's humble opinion, it was our ability to spike and to make the big play that made us winners of 2 out of 3 games. Jacta alea est, bitches!

Fuse is AWESOME!

Right now, there are several young ladies dancing in their underwear in the windows of the Fuse studio across the street. Being the naturally inquisitive person that the deacster is, I decided to get a closer look. Sadly, technical difficulties prevented any camera-phone picture-taking, but, believe you me, it was an amazing sight!

Tiredness is a tough >yawn<

These eyelids were made for closing. And when they do, the deacster will be thinking of you, Tiredness! You may win this battle, but your reign of terror is nigh over! You're on notice.

Jack Bauer is a tough guy

...but you already knew that.

Smoking is a tough guy

With the aformentioned Jotobipe sick in bed, Zale the Grate in perpetual meetings, and Soddyc back on the wagon, the deacon now finds himself without a smoking buddy. The deacon hates you all. If all of your faces weren't already severely broken, the deacster would definitely have taken it upon himself to do the honors.

Rob Jotobipe is a tough guy

Imagine it's springtime in New York City. Imagine it's 50+ degrees and sunny out. You're at the office, sitting at your desk. Imagine you have a cough and the sniffles. Now, imagine that you're a little girl, and, because of the cough and sniffles, you decide to go home. If your name is Rob Jotobipe, imagine no more. It's you!

An Ode to the Pube on the Public Pisser

You shock and amaze me like no other foe
Just how you did get there, I don't want to know

Curly and dark, and rank as can be
You make lesser men cringe, back down and flee

But not the deacmeister, his mettle is known
He'll use the dang ur'nal that you now call home

You're tough and you know it, with juevos to spare
The deacon salutes you, you lone pubic hair

Walt is a tough kid (to find)

Walt's been missing for several weeks on Lost. Let the searching cease, for your eagle-eyed deacon has found him. Walt has assumed the name "Albie," and is currently making the rounds on My Name Is Earl. How conniving are The Others? Who would think to look for Walt on another network? You devious bastards!

Efficiency is a tough guy

Efficiency decided to take a vacation today, right when the deac needs it most. Feast your eyes on the deacster's iMac delivery route:

San Jose, CA ->
Fremont, CA ->
Sacramento, CA ->
Keasbey, NJ (where the hey-now is this?) ->
BROOKLYN, NY(!) ->
MANHATTAN, NY

Three jeers for you, Efficiency. You've finally hit the big time. You are today's tough guy.

Begun this Blog War has

It was bound to happen. You can't get this well-known and not have a few detractors. Your humble deac was the victim of two hate-motivated blog posts within the past 24 hours. Read:
You're a thithy
Fobipe

The blogosphere is abuzz with excitement. Readers are picking sides. The country has not been rent asunder like this since the fabled Cola Wars of '88. Which side do you fall on, dear reader? The side of the righteous (with me), or the side of the blight-eous (fobipe and thithy-boy)? You must choose wisely.

The Apple Tough Guys

It's been a week. I'm still waiting. I don't even think I want it anymore.

RJ = so not tough

Let's look at the evidence:

1. Closet Met fan
2. Likes Goo Goo Dolls
3. Drinks Malibu Bay Breezes

Need I say more?

Greg is a tough guy

There's a new QAssassin in town. His name is Bevis (pronounced "bee-vis"). Yes, you heard the deacster right. The deacon nearly pissed himself the first time he heard this. If I see anything catch fire, I know whom to blame. For hiring Mr. B, and for all of the soiled undergarments, and inadvertent spit takes in the days and weeks to come, Greg, you are Monday's tough guy. You're welcome. (heh heh...he said "come")

Bab and Joberwon are tough geeks

Here the deacster is, sitting in saperbipe's new apartment. Cunto and Miss Zale are entangled in a rousing round of boxer pillowfighting. As a casual observer, the deacon felt free to roam to the hallowed den (a.k.a. computer room). The deacmeister walked in to find Bab Fobipe and jtoberon discussing IP addresses. What was the deac to do? The deac ran to the nearest computer and blogged about this sad experience.

Cunto, Miss Zale, Bab, and jtoberon, thanks for the beer, but no thanks for the memories. You are all tough, and I'm bored.

Bab Fobipe is Mayor of Toughtown

So, Bab Fobipe (pronounced "eye-am-uh-gurl"), is attempting to join the League of Blogging Greats. Sorry, Bab. League membership is closed. You are, however, free to slum it with the likes of Best Weak Eva, FOBcockus, and Yourealithper. Blog to your heart's contempt.

Harry Taylor = Supreme Tough Guy

What is your problem, Harry Taylor? The tongue lashing you gave el Presidente last night was...was...won't get fooled again! That brazen act has earned you the title of Supreme Tough Guy. Deac doesn't know where to go from here. My hunt for tough guys may be over. In one fell swoop, you've ruined the deac's life's work. Now that Earth's toughest guy has been found, all others will now pale in comparison. For prematurely ending "Yeah, You're Tough!" Harry Taylor, you are a tough guy nonpareil.

Deacster...out!

Hurley is a tough guy

Dude, WTF? What's with trashing your stash of food last night? The deacster is no glutton, but, seriously, do you know how many people that food could've fed? I f'ing love fish crackers! For being a food waster, and for smooching with one of the deac's top 4 Lostaways, dude, not only are you tough, you're EXCOMMUNICATED! Get outta my face before I break yours!

William Wagner is a tough copycat

Met closer Billy Wagner's entrance song is "Enter Sandman." Now, why hasn't anybody thought of using that song before? It seems like the perfect tone-setter for a 9th inning assassin. Kudos to you, Billy Wagner, for being a true original, and a major tough guy!

http://www.nytimes.com/2006/04/05/sports/baseball/05mets.html

Now, Winter is a tough guy

Dear Spring,

I'm still your mutherf'ing daddy.

Sincerely,
Winter

These guys are the toughest

Apple salespeople are tough guys

Apparently, unless you have a vagina, you won't get any help at the Apple Store SoHo. And, if a salesperson does service you, they're either not telling you the whole truth, or trying to stuff something you don't want down your throat, so you might as well be a chick. Apple salespeople, because of you, I'm buying my iMac online! You guys are f'ing tough!

Daylight-Saving Time is a tough guy

There the deacster was this past Saturday, partying up a storm, when, all of a sudden, the bartender makes her "last call" announcement. The deacon looked at his watch, and saw that, because of DST, it was, in fact, 4 o'clock. It was more like 4 o'cock, if you ask me. For being so rude and for cutting Saturday of Dreams short, DST, you are a tough guy. You've been placed on notice!

Do-devil is a tough guy

First, read today's post on http://luckydough.blogspot.com/.

For being invincible, and also quite thithy-like, Do-devil is today's tough guy.