Yo soy Armando

I am Armando. I am your cabana boy. Luck has blessed me with no problems, so I have no tough guys to report on. I will, however, show you a dancing video. It is packed with intrigue and suspense. For your viewing pleasure, feast your eyes on this:

THE BEST VIDEO EVER

Only The Toughest

Deacster=weakSauce
RYJ=TOUGH



This was a guest blog by only the toughest of all - RYJ.

Guest #1: Stacy

I'm the first guest writah for Memorial Day Week. Let me introdewce moyself. Moy name is Stacy. Moy tough goys are: spicy fewds (such as ketchup), and words with "oo" in them.

1. For starters, spicy fewds give me the scewts. I awften have to say, "Timesout!" and ask the waitah to bring back a blandah dish. If not, it'll be a rough night in the Steakymoto household, if ya know what I'm sayin'.
   
2. Secondly, DAMN YOU, double-o's! "Mewn," "spewn," "ballewn," and an assortment of othah "ooooo" words are my white whale. No mattah where I go, or what I dew, I'll nevah evah be able to drawp this horrendous Secaucus accent. Bew Hew!

That's awl from me, folks. Thanks fuh takin' the toime to read my thawts.

Guest Writers are Tough Guys

The deacster is way too tough for you yahoos, and is taking the week off. Not one to leave his faithful readers in the lurch, he has enlisted the help of several guest writers to tide you over until he returns.

Ballad of the Tough Guy

Who's the guy that fronts like he don't like PDA
I tell you, everybody, that his name is RJ

Claims that he's "tuff" but, in fact, he's just tough
Sweats you-know-who, and he can't get enough

(Chorus)
He wants to kiss ya
But he fronts like Marissa

He luh luh luh it
But pretends like he's abuh it

Summer Hiatuses are tough guys

What, oh what, will the deacster do now that all of his favorite shows are on summer hiatus? Gilmore GIrls, One Tree Hill, Girlfriends, and America's Next Top Model - all gone until the fall. Should the deac, perhaps, read a book? Should he take up a new hobby? Reconnect with old friends? Nah. The deac will probably just drink more.

Deficits are not tough guys

When you come back from 14-7 and 8-1 to win a volleyball game, the deac thinks it's fairly safe to say that deficits mean nothing to you, and that they most certainly are NOT tough guys. You kick major buttocks, Team Sideswipe: 14-7 with a vengeance.

Petty Officer Rooney is a tough guy

Well done, Petty Officer Rooney. You saved the day and got your first kill in the process, Petty Officer Rooney. You are an asset to your country and a hero to millions. In addition, the deacster thinks it's safe to say that you moistened a few female undergarments in the audience while doing your duty last night, Petty Officer Rooney. The deac's friend Janelle was particularly enamored with you and would like to buy you a drink once you turn 21. The deac tips his hat to you, Petty Officer Rooney. Way to go!

RJ: Tough Guy again

You knew it had to happen, folks. RJ, yet again, has gained himself Tough Guy status. What for, you ask? Only he and the deac truly know. Here's a hint, though:

The Subway Series: So Damn Tough

Now that the New York Mutts have a fairly decent team again, this weekend's subway series should be a good one. Diehard Met fan Best Weak Eva/I'm a Thithy will be sure to wear his authentic '86 Mets cap this weekend. The deacster, on the other hand, will simply brandish rings on his fingers to both simulate the multitude of championships that the Yankees have won, and also as an invitation to others to "kiss the rings, bitch!"

Friend Requests are a tough guy

While the deacster is always looking to spread the truth to as many unenlightened people as possible, he is starting to get annoyed with strangers making friend requests on MySpace. The random requests seem to come in two forms:

1. Unsigned band looking to make a name for itself by riding the deacon's coattails. This didn't work with Best Weak Eva, FOBaucus, or any of the other so-called blogs that somehow crept into the deacster's Links section, and it's not going to work with you, bands. I'm talking to you, The WMDs!
2. Hot chicks promoting their website. Let's get one thing straight - enticing the deacster with hot chicks has NEVER worked on the deac. The "Girl Next Door" DVD, the Mandy Moore CD, and the Cindy Crawford poster were all gifts that the deacon was too nice to refuse. So, PhatApples, Cassidy, and two four seven, you can take that act to the next guy, for, not only is the deacster pure of heart, he is also pure of mind!

The Yankees are a tough guy

Last night, the Yankees pulled off a seemingly impossible comeback. Down 10-1, they rallied to win 14-13. To put that into terms that the deac's readers will understand: The Dungeonmaster awarded the Texas Rangers unlimited hit points, and the Yankees were facing multiple phalanxes of orcs, armed with only a battle shield. It seemed that no combination of rolls with an 8-sided die could save them from complete annihilation. Then, suddenly, and without warning, the Yankees drew an invinicibilty card. Emboldened by this unlikely turn of events, they conjured Thunder and Lightning spells, the likes of which no D&D player had ever seen. Battle axes became Swords of Wonder; Orcs were felled; the Ranger armor chipped away piece by piece. And, in the end, the Yankees once again stood victorious - vanquishers of evil, and wielders of the Omen of Tough!

Phoenix shields are tough guys

The deacon would like to know if they sell Phoenix shields for cockroaches. He found one the size of Rhode Island in his bathroom last night.

Bab Fobipe is a tough guy

Spring has sprung in the Fobipe cubicle. The stork has brought two little bundles of joy. Unfortunately, the deacster is unable to upload pictures of the proud papa and his new additions. Regardless, Dad Fobipe better beware. If he's not careful, his two precious babies could end up in the deacon's possession.

Diarrhea is a tough guy

Just ask T. Cunningham.

Rain is a tough guy

Rain, you are a formidable foe. Where have you taken the Sun? Bring it back, or face immediate termination.

At 8-4, Team Sideswipe is definitely a tough guy

Groundskeeper Koo brought out the brooms last night as Team Sideswipe swept Victim #4 in a stunning display of volleyballic prowess. Some might say that it was Sideswipe's ability to spike and to make the big play that made them winners last night. Others might say it was the debut of Gimpy Magallon. But, between you and the deacster, it definitely had to be the deac's new sneakers:

Note: This in no way resembles the sneaker the deacster bought.

Greg is a tough guy

Thanks for starting the new British Invasion, Tough Guy Greg! If anyone has earned the deac's ire, it's you!

The blue ticket is a tough guy

Pardon the deac's French, but some bag de douche, won TWICE in last night's charity casino night raffle. Imagine the deacster's outrage when said douchebag won both an iPod AND a beauty basket! Mind you, the deac is already the proud owner of a 4th generation 60GB iPod, but he could have really used some of that beauty lotion. Beating the toughness out of tough guys on a daily basis is murder on the hands. Had the deacon's acolytes been present at last night's event, you can bet your bottom yen, dear readers, that Monsieur Douche would have been speedily relieved of his winnings. Le sigh.

Ry and RJ are tough guys

For making the deacster think that you bought "Into the Blue" for Jessica Alba, youse mooks are on notice!

p.s. Luckily for you, RJ, the deac will now allow you to live.

Michael is a tough guy

The deacster is speechless. All he can say is, "yo!" Whatever kinda crazy juice they gave Michael in the jungle, the deacon wants no part of it. The deac is warning you, dear readers: Do NOT slip that crazy juice into deac's Malibu Bay Breeze the next time you find yourself lucky enough to be in his presence. If the deacster catches you, you will be on the receiving end of a knuckle sammich...with a heaping side order of Timberlands in your craw. You've been warned!

Oh. Are. is a tough guy

The deacster should've known better than to question you. The deac is humbled by you.

Today is a tender day

It's 1:18 pm, and all is well. Toughness has taken the day off. Enjoy the respite, my malodorous readers.

Stacy is Queen of the Tough

That dang stacy took the deacster down last night. 'Twas a test of wills, and, apparently, Stacy is more willy than the deac. The deac concedes this one, Stacy, but the next one is ALL ME! Enjoy your moment in the sun, cuz a hard rain's a-gonna fall on you next time, missy! You will fall in to the all in!