Oops

Good ol' deac forgot to mention Birthdaypalooza's #1 sponsor...Attendee of 3 events, purchaser of cake, historian extraordinaire:

RJ has some catching up to do

"My hair is looking nice and big today."

"The average British woman spends an astonishing £36,903.75 on her hair in a lifetime, according to new research. She will spend the equivalent of just under two YEARS of her life washing, styling, cutting, colouring, crimping and straightening her locks in salons or at home."

Bathroom breaks are a tough guy

The mystery is solved. Chicks do use the bathroom. The disappointing evidence can be found here.

Birthdaypalooza Sponsors

A list of birthday well-wishers and co-conspirators:

• First and foremost, God
• Allan
• Allyson
• Armando
• Bel
• Belmont
• Bert
• Beth
• Black Door
• Brandon
• Butch
• Cake (chocolate with vanilla ice cream)
• Cake (chocolate)
• Cake (strawberry cheese)
• Carla
• Carly
• Daisy
• Double Happiness
• Downy Wrinkle Releaser
• DVD
• Er
• Eric
• Erin
• Heleena
• Irena
• Ja
• James
• Jay
• Jen
• Jenn
• John
• Katie
• Lila
  
• Little Miss Sunshine
• Marissa
• Mel
• Michelle
• Mikey
• Oberwetter
• Patron
• Portia
• RJ
• Rob
• Ry
• Sak
• Shawn
• Steaky
  
• Sujie
• Suzie
• Swati
  
• Taras
• Tina
• Todd
• Yoko

If you don't see your name here, it's because it was written in invisible ink. Or the deac hate you.

Weather is a tough guy (in Scranton)

Strange things is a-foot in the little towna Scranton, PA. Read on and be afeared.

Irwyn: dude, weather is the tough guy today
Deac: what up?
Irwyn: there's a tornado watch in the area right now, on top of a flood watch
Irwyn: i hate this place
Irwyn: we just saw 5 deer by the cornfield in the back
Deac: doing what? being dead?
Irwyn: they ran out of the cornfield then back in
Irwyn: one guy here was saying that he wanted to get his gun from home...."go shootin'" Irwyn: i dont wanna go near the cornfield

The Mailbag is a Tough Guy

Courtesy of Bill Simmons:

Q: I am watching the "I Love the '90s: 1991" show and they are on the "90210" segment. As the various commentators discuss their favorite parts of the show, the following quote is said. "I thought the hottest was Andrea. Behind those glasses, sex goddess." Your commentator? Mr. Lance Bass!
--Red, New Jersey

SG: Get out of here! Come on, you're making that up. There's no way that happened. I need video proof. Somebody put this on YouTube please.

The Closing Ceremonies Commence

Twenty-eight. Sickening. Thanks to everyone that came on Friday....Thanks, also, to everyone that showed up. Your presents and your presence were greatly appreciated.

What's on tap for tonight? You tell the deacster.

The 'palooza rolls on

Day 2 went well last night. RyJ was gracious enough to buy the deac a few beers. To the deac's disappointment, however, there were no hot chicks doling out backrubs at the bar. He hopes to rectify the situation tonight, at the Birthdaypalooza Main Event! If you're reading this, come to Double Happiness tonight, lest you be placed on notice. In return, the deacon promises to spend at least 30 seconds talking to you, smiling and nodding as if he gives a darn what you're saying. Arrrgggggghhhh, maties!

Lando is a tough guy, too

If you're bored (and only if you're bored), click here. Go to page 11. The deacster would like to know if the artist used MS Paint to cut out the hair.

Contend-ER is a tough guy

So, Shart-Er wishes to challenge the deacster for blogger supremacy. Good luck. The internet is riddled with the corpses of those who have tried and failed: Best Weak Eva, FOBaucus, Fobipe's World, You're a Thithy, Drudge Report . For his impudence and delusion, Er is today's tough guy. Bring it on.

He who would be king? The deacster thinks not.

Blog of the Day

Feast your eyes on the latest pretender to the deacster's blog throne:

http://fantastax.blogspot.com/

Ostensibly, it is a blog about the thoughts and experiences of THE Stacy Fojas, gathered from her travels all around the world. In reality, it is communist propaganda. Be warned, dear readers (all 5 of you).

Interestingly enough, this site has not been updated in a few days. It seems it's dead before it even began. Farewell, Fantastax. The deac awaits the next hapless challenger. Perhaps Irwyn will start a blog about the various beers he's tasted.

Video of the Day

Enjoy.

BIRTHDAYPALOOZA '06 HAS BEGUN!

The deacster wishes to thank semi-tough RyJ for suprising him last night with the unexpected kickoff to Birthdaypalooza '06. If you're reading this, you're invited to the rest of the week-long festivities. Here's how the rest of the week is shaping up:

• Tuesday: Backrubs from hot chicks
• Wednesday: Dancing with hot chicks
  
• Thursday: IRE with hot chicks
• Friday: Drinks with some friends (but mostly with hot chicks)
• Saturday: Lunch with family....dinner with hot chicks
• Sunday: Free (reserved for hot chicks)
• Monday: Closing ceremonies. Invitation-only. Required attire: bikinis

Catch the excitement. Sponsored by hot chicks everywhere.

Fantasy Drafts are a tough guy

Tonight is draft night for the "I Hate Er" fantasy football league. The deacster's first 5 picks?

1. Dylan
2. Dylan
3. Dylan
4. Dylan
5. Dylan

Why? Because he spit hot fiyah.

How Sweep It Is

The Boston Massacre

Baseball, Beer, and Birthdays are a tough guy

This post is brought to you by Miller Lite, official sponsor of the first annual BBB Road Trip.


Dear readers, pictures will follow in the next few days. Suffice it to say that BBB '06 was a hit. Here are some things the deacster learned:

1. RFK is a dump.
2. If allowed to enter, The Nationals would lose the Little League World Series
   
3. Anyone, regardless of mental health, or excessive drug use, can serve beer at Camden Yards. Shakes, the deac is talking to you!
4. A long drive isn't so bad if you're asleep for most of it. Thanks, Er!
5. Beer bottles for $1 is the greatest invention known to man.
6. The deacster likes "Sexy Back," but only because the ladies love it.
7. Dotty-ay!
8. Houlihan's will serve someone a gallon of alcohol in one sitting.
9. Do not wear a Terrell Owens jersey to a Philly game.
10. Eating crabs is a lot harder when your dad doesn't shuck the meat.
11. Pare Nelson knows where the "hat cheeks" are.

In closing, one thing must be said: Lordamercy.

Vacations are a tough guy

Apparently, 2 months' vacation notice isn't enough around these parts. The deacster runs the risk of being asked to skip his baseball road trip. The deaconator has a question for you:

Q: What's lamer than the deac's current situation?
A: This e-mail address - rj@rolandosalvadorjr.com

Wingman Ry is a tough guy

When it comes to the game of game, Ry is the new Pedro Martinez. Awesome for 6 or 7, but needs to find the will and a way to go the full 9. Regardless, the deacster tips his hat to Rydro. Good sacrifice, tough guy.

The CW is a tough guy

The deacster's sister finally saw the series finale of Everwood the other day. Because this was one of her favorite shows on television, she was awfully bummed and nearly started crying. Because of the merger of UPN and the WB, and some genius's decision to bring back 7th Heaven, Everwood was cancelled. Seeing as how the deacster hates seeing girls cry, the CW is today's tough guy! The deac's sister hates you.

The Titans are a tough guy

The deacster is not drafting Adrian McPherson for his fantasy football team. If this guy can't evade one golf cart, then he stands no chance against 11 defenders.

Robin is a tough guy

When did Bruce Lee play Robin?

Today, Robin Gonzales leaves the comfortable confines of Growtham City. He dons a new costume and moves to Bludhaven two Mondays from now. Robin is no more. Arise, Nightwing! Fare thee well, Nightwing.

The Deacster = Friend to All.....

Caroline = Friend to Democrats

Caroline : thats censorship!
Caroline : you must be a Republican

Begging is a tough guy

Not one to disappoint his (six) fans, the deacster has decided to throw Miss F. a frickin' bone here.

Caroline: your blog is funny
Yours Truly: thanks
Yours Truly: do you want a shout out?
Caroline: YES, PLEASE!

Here goes - Because you dream of High-Pitch Eric and Edgar from 24, Caroline, this Bud's for YOU!

That's More Like It

As you can see, things have begun to normalize in the weeklong DL-MW struggle. After three days of play, the Disavled List has opened up a small lead over the MFers. Since the deacster celebrated too early the last time he faced off against Breast Weak Eva, he'll hold off on the trash-talking until the final numbers are in.

Maurice Clarett is a tough guy

Why is this guy so angry? Here, with a rundown of the events, is Best Weak Eva:

Best Weak Eva: yo
The Deacster: yo
Best Weak Eva: wtf is up with yo boy maurice clarett
Best Weak Eva: that mofo is crazy
The Deacster: yeah, what happened to him?
Best Weak Eva: oh man
Best Weak Eva: so check it
Best Weak Eva: this morning he made an illegal uturn
The Deacster: word
Best Weak Eva: so cops wanted to pull him over
Best Weak Eva: but he just guns it
Best Weak Eva: so it turned into a chase
The Deacster: haha
Best Weak Eva: cops stop him with those tire tack things
The Deacster: hahaha
The Deacster: nice
Best Weak Eva: here is the best part
Best Weak Eva: they go over to talk to him
Best Weak Eva: he started arguing with the cops
Best Weak Eva: then he resisted arrest
The Deacster: what an idiot
Best Weak Eva: so the cops tazored him
Best Weak Eva: but check this out
Best Weak Eva: it didnt work
Best Weak Eva: cause he was wearing a bullet proof vest!
The Deacster: HAHA
The Deacster: WHAT?
The Deacster: nice
Best Weak Eva: so they maced his eyes
Best Weak Eva: arrested him
The Deacster: that guy is a moron
Best Weak Eva: then they found 3 loaded hand guns and a loaded assault rifle in the front passenger seat of his car!
Best Weak Eva: you cant make that shit up
The Deacster: that's awesome
Best Weak Eva: and he is already facing charges for other shit
Best Weak Eva: that mofo is a major dumbass
Best Weak Eva: thats crazy s
Best Weak Eva: the fact that he was wearing a bullet proof vest
Best Weak Eva: cops must have been like what the hell

Tied!

Muthaf*kin Walkoff has tied the Disabled List. They now stand neck and neck at 5-5. In other news, you still smell.

Keith Olbermann is a Tough Guy

Just minutes ago, the deacster spotted Keith Olbermann outside his office building. This brings the deacster's office building celebrity sighting count to 5:

1. Michael Bloomberg
2. Isaiah Thomas
3. Stephen A. Smith
4. Michael Kaye
5. Keith Olbermann

The battle for 5th place continues

The Disabled List jumped out to an early 7-3 lead after their first day of competition with Mutherf*kin Walkoff. Riding the strength of Andruw Jones's and Hank Blalock's bats, as well as K-Rod's arm, The DL posted mildly impressive, though hardly insurmountable, numbers:

The battle is far from over. Check in tomorrow for the latest on this historic battle.

Mutherf*kin Walkoff: Part 3

All this week, youretough.blogspot.com brings you exclusive coverage of the epic rematch that will take place between The Deacster's Disabled List and Best Weak Eva's Mutherf*kin Walkoff. You'll remember that BWEMF humiliated the Dee Dee Dee List in their last matchup, 9-1. Both teams have struggled since then, each hovering around the .500 mark, and stuck in 5th and 9th place, respectively. Frankly, there's little to no reason to cover this matchup, save for the fact that the deacster needs a topic to write about.

Update: 8:22 pm: The DL jumps out to an early 2-0 lead. The pathetic line thus far: .182, O R, 0 HR, 2 RBI, 0 SB, and no pitching stats.

Bab Fobipe is a Tough Guy

Don't leave a comment if you love Welch's grape soda!

Fame is a tough guy

The deacster's readership exploded by 40% this morning, as two new readers joined the flock. To celebrate, the deacster plans to make a new Great Moment in Drinking tonight, at Sakdaroc's 28th birthday. Be there, or be a jerk.

This call to the bullpen is sponsored by...

Great Moments in Drinking

'twas February of 2006. Some bar in Aspen, Colorado. The night had started off slowly, but countless shots of this-and-that ensured that the night would build to a raucous crescendo.

There Shirlwyn sat, eyeing a beer-google beauty. Closing time was fast approaching. He said to his friend, C.B. Leigh, "Hold my drink, son." Hungry like the wolf, he pounced.


"What up, ma?" Shirlwyn asked.
"Hey," she replied.
"Word. Want a cigarette?"
"Sure. Got a lighter?"
"Yeah, it's in my pocket. Get it yourself," he said.
"You're funny. What's your name?"
"Shirlwyn, but my fans call me 'Shirl.' So, where're you from?" Shirl asked his new friend.
"Wales. It's in Europe," BGB answered.

C.B., clearly not as drunk as Shirl, saw what was happening, and foresaw the disaster that would surely ensue if he didn't step in.

"Oh, you're from Wales? My pops is from England!" C.B. said, sitting himself snugly in between Shirl and BGB.

Incredulous at C.B.'s gall, Shirl stepped away.


An hour later, at the house, Shirl nearly clocked C.B. "What the f, bro?"

"Dude, trust me. I did you a favor," C.B. said.

"How's that? Go to hell!" Shirl exclaimed.

"Dude, truuuuuust me," said C.B.


Here now, folks, is the reason why C.B., who really should be called G.F. (Good Friend) intervened:

BGB

Heat is a tough guy

It's so hot here, Hawaiians come to New York for a tropical vacation.

The Cap is a Tough Guy

Smell like a winner...and a major tough guy.

Mutherf'er

It's too hot.