Creepy

Dear Deac,

Dear Deac,

I need a vacation.

Sincerely,
Your liver

Mmm-mmm Good

Part Deuce!

Yesterday, the deac posted a two-month-old bathroom pic depicting someone's unfortunate accident. Later that very same day, he strolled into his work bathroom to find this:

All joking aside...WHAT THE FUCK?!

More Great Moments

One unseasonably mild December evening, the usual suspects gathered at the usual spot. Their glasses empty, they ventured to the bar.

"Hi, can I have a ja-." The deac stopped mid-sentence when he noticed the bartender had turned away.

"I don't think she heard you," the cunning ham said.

"Probably not." The deac waited a few seconds, then politely asked again. "Can I have a jack and-"

"I HEARD YOU!" the bartender shouted. "JUST GIVE ME A MINUTE TO BREATHE!"

Unsure of where the outburst had come from, the ham told the flustered bartender, "Hey, sorry about rushing you, but that was a little uncalled for."

"I'm sorry," she replied. "I wasn't yelling at him. I was yelling at the jerk behind him."

Aw, shucks

Some poor guy spilled his chocolate milkshake all over the bathroom stall.

(Note: Since people have asked, this picture is from the men's bathroom in the Secaucus Houlihan's.)

Putanginamo!

In honor of deac's cousin demolishing Oscar De La Hoya this past weekend, the deac presents Manny Pacquiao's greatest hits. Deac taught him everything he knows.

Uh oh

No more Great Moments in Drinking.

Fairness is tough guy

A Florida high school student was arrested last Friday for breaking wind. Meanwhile, these repeat offenders remain at large...

The deac demands justice!

Headlines are a tough guy

Hundreds of Cairo males arrested for 'flirting': police

Egyptian police rounded up hundreds of men in Cairo in a day-long crackdown on sexual harassment, a police official said on Thursday.

"We have arrested a large number of boys who were flirting with girls," Cairo's police director Faruq Lashin told AFP....

-------------------

Brooklyn Man, 48, Cancels Trip to Egypt

In a surprising development, a Brooklyn man abruptly canceled a long-in-the-works trip to Cairo, Egypt. No explanation was given.

Adieu-ew-ew!

Stacy's flown the coop, and is headed for greener pastures. The deac and his flock wish her all the best!

No thanks

A Picture of....

...deac's last companywide meeting.

Epiphanies are tough

It all makes sense now.

Zomething Zad

MillerCoors LLC has discontinued production of Zima. High schoolers and girly men the world over panic.

FTW?

O-Faces are a tough guy

...

See more Hayden Panettiere videos at Funny or Die

Semantics are a tough guy

Idiot...or maverick?!

New Roommates are a tough guy

The deac gets a new roommate in 7 days. He's ecstatic.

Sigh

Say wha?

Goshdarnit!

Keep Looking....You'll Get It

No Comment

Tough enough?

No.

iPod mini <> iPod Touch

Dudes buy Touches, too, dammit!

Nostalgia is a tough guy

Picture it....

Jersey City, 1986 - A young child discovers the fresh, new sounds of New Kids on the Block. A lifelong love affair begins.

1988 - Child waits patiently in line for Hangin' Tough. Learns the dance moves to "The Right Stuff."

1990 - Step by Step is released. Declared "Album of the Millenium" by excited fan.

1994 - Group disbands. Fan, now 16, jumps out of window. Window is on the ground level. Fan scrapes knee.

1995-2007 - The Dark Years

September 23, 2008 - N.K.O.T.B. play the Izod Center in East Rutherford, NJ. Purpose and meaning are restored to 30-year-old fan's life.

The fan

Regrets...I've had a few

Deac left Ronnie Brown's 40 points on the bench yesterday. As a result, he'll probably lose his 3rd game in a row. Once again, thank you, Tom Brady.

Wall Street is a tough guy

Thanks, guys. The deac's 401k is now a 201k.

Ninja Cat is a tough guy

This is how the deac sneaks up on free food in the office pantry:

Education is a tough guy

Can the deac borrow a few grand?

Relationships are a tough guy

You know the story. You find someone special. You pin all your hopes and dreams on them. And you can't believe how lucky you are to have this person in your life. This person fits just right.

Then this person lets you down. Big time. Decides to take everything you've built together and shatter any possibility of happiness.

The deac sure knows this story, for it was at 1:20 EDT yesterday that Tom Brady, deac's first-round draft pick, tore his ACL in the first quarter of the Patriots/Chiefs game, effectively ending his season and any hope the deac had of finally winning his own fantasy football league. Unlike your knee, this season will be unspeakably tough.

The sight of 40 million fantasy football dreams dying

6,000!

youretough has hit the 6,000th mark - 5,999 more than these guys:

Oh, you're still here?

Why?

turning 30's not so tough

10. you can still date ladies in their 20s!
9. you still have a couple of years of cargo shorts-wearing time before you are THAT CHUMP
8. in five more years, you can run for president
7. you can say idiotic things like, "30 is the new 20"
6. you don't need to make up a reason for staying home on a friday night, like losers in their 30s do
5. you don't have to work out 5 days a week to have the body you had in your twenties (not that you'd want THAT body)
4. you can still listen to music featured on TRL without being the next contestant on To Catch A Predator
3. you can explain your dumbass moves from last week as stupid things you did when you were in your twenties
2. your body will still let you party hard two nights in a row
1. it's still okay not to know what the fuck you're doing with your life. but you'd better watch out for 31.

Happy Birthday, Deacster! You's an old man now.

birfdays are tough

Happy Birthday, Deac!

Top Ten Awesome Things About Turning Thirty:



















.

f

Bab Can Has Monitorz?

Bab Fobipe: i'll tell you who's tough: the guy with the 30" cinema display at work

Fobipe's new work monitor & the earth (roughly to scale)

Deac's 4-year-old laptop & the Yankees' playoff chances (roughly to scale)

Dad Fobipe's out-toughed the deac for today, but he still trails the deac 1,174 to 2.

Stuff Lame People Like

#83 - Facebook Pet Pupz

Showoffs are a tough guy

iPhones are a tough guy

The deac's non-iPhone got zero reception this morning, leaving him without the ability to make or receive calls or text messages. He checked online for a solution; there was none. He went to the AT&T store to ask for help; they said the 3G network was down. The deac did a little research and, wouldn't you know it, Apple released a new version of the iPhone software, presumably prompting heavy traffic and the subsequent outage.

This was all such a...a...help me out here, Karen...

This one's for RJ

Ads are a tough guy

Nice try, Spanish Olympic basketball team. Due to the deac's lack of peripheral vision, he nearly missed this article about how tough you dudes are. He can't wait for the U.S. team to bury you. L.I.P.

Talking is a tough guy.

Don't be dumb.

Anyways, the deac's off to Toronto.

Concerts are a tough guy

Friday, August 1
10:15 am
deac's boss: yo, what are you doing monday?
deac: hmm, nothing. it's sak's birthday, but i'm not sure if we're doing anything
db: you know i love nuno, right?
deac: yup
db: well, i bought tix to monday's show, but i'm going to be away next week. want them?
deac: ....sure

11:00 am
deac: yo, wanna see extreme monday?
friend 01: who's that?
deac: they sang "more than words" and "hole hearted"
friend 01: oh no, i'm good

11:03 am
deac: yo, wanna see extreme monday?
friend 02: who's that?
deac: they sang "more than words" and "hole hearted"
friend 02: they're still around?
deac: yeah, and they have a new album coming out
friend 02: oh no, my foot hasn't healed from surgery yet
deac: i bet

11:04 am
deac: you're still going to be in philly monday, right?
*s!: yep
deac: how convenient

11:05 am
deac: yo, wanna see extreme monday?
friend 03: who's that?
deac: they sang "more than words" and "hole hearted"
friend 03: they're still around?
deac: yeah, and they have a new album coming out
friend 03: i'm supposed to buy cat food monday
deac: but you don't have a cat!
friend 03: brb

6:45 pm
deac: please tell me you're free monday
friend 04: why?
deac: nevermind

Monday, August 4
10:40 am:
4 listings on Craigslist...all sellers. 0 buyers.

12:10 pm:
friend 04: wanna see the national at summer stage tonight
deac: yes, but i can't
friend 04: why not?
deac: don't ask


2:30 pm:
deac: you and your bf wouldn't be in the mood to see extreme tonight, would you?
co-worker: who's that?
deac: they sang "more than words" and "hole hearted." bossman can't go, and gave the tix to me
co-worker: oh my gosh THAT extreme...ah, let me check...are you selling or gifting?
deac: gifting...totally gifting
co-worker: ok the BF has no desire whatsoever to see them perform...and i'm kind of feeling the same way...sorry dude
deac: darn, ok

5:30 pm:

deac: would you like 2 free tickets to the extreme show at irving plaza tonight?

jj:hmmmmmmmmm
jj: yoks is doing some dinner gig with her old coworkers - and i'm not really an extreme fan
jj: yeah thanks...but FIND SOME OTHER SUCKA. lol
deac: damn you...i literally can't give these things away
jj: i'm asking some of my friends

jj: i'll fwd the responses to you
deac: awesome

jj's friend A: um...no...but thank you
jj: my friend can't give these tickets away
jj's friend A: of course not.

jj's friend B: it's ok...i love that song...but i dont really know any others...thanks though!

jj's friend C: extreme concert?
jj: the dudes that sing more than words
jj's friend C: oooooh
relaly??
jj: yup
two free tickets
jj's friend C: when where why how
jj: tonight
irving plaza
my friend cant go
through my friend
he got these tickets for free
and is now trying to pass them forward
to whomever wants to go
jj's friend C: ur not going?
jj: nope
jj's friend C: u know what. i'm actually pretty exhausted. it might be best to give the tickets to someone else
but thanks!

jj: the dudes that sing more than words
jj's friend D: ahhhh
extreme
hilarious
uhhhm
no?
haha
:)

jj's friend E: extreme?
what's that?
jj: the dudes that sing more than words
jj's friend E: WTF
why would i wanna go to that?
jj: lol
i dont know because its free?
jj's friend E: r u serious?!
NO
u would have to pay me to go
lOl
jj: LOL
you and the rest of my gmail chat list
jj's friend E: hahaha

jj's friend F: what time is the concert?
and where?
jj: 530 -
but they prob aren't going on for a few hours
irving plaza
jj's friend E: hahahahahahahahahah
I can't make it.. I'll be here for a while longer. But that's just funny on its own merits

5:53 pm
deac's former co-worker: NO FUCKING WAY


5:55 pm
deac: i''ve been rejected 20 times today
deac: it's like i'm speed dating

6:06 pm
jj: wanna go to the nationals concert at central park?
deac: out of principal, i can't


Any takers?

Ante Up

It's Friday, and the deac's feeling lazy, so enjoy another youtube clip...

Blowin' in the Wind

[12:21] (name withheld) : i tried to fart silently but it came out loud
[12:21] (name withheld) : sitting at my desk
[12:21] (name withheld) : i think sherlock looked over
[12:21] deacistough: ah shit
[12:21] (name withheld) : ah shit
[12:21] (name withheld) : sounded like a duck
[12:21] deacistough: it's ok, stace. it happens.

Awesome

Batman vs. Superman : World's Finest

Comic-Con is a tough guy

Dirty Diapers are a tough guy

Two and a half years, and 500+ posts later, the deac has finally met his match: A crying baby with a dirty diaper. This round goes to you, baby AJ, but the deac will have his revenge!

Oh, really?

Co-worker: [walking by] I'm going to off myself.
Deac: If you do, can I tape it and put it on YouTube?
Co-worker: Only if I can fall on you as it happens.
Deac: Sure. Small price to pay.

Co-worker: You know, you're starting to look more and more like Bruce Lee.
Deac: ...
Deac: Who's that?


Bruce Lee? Wrong...

FOR THE LAST TIME, PEOPLE....

...it's ERWIN MANLONGAT!

Knightfall!

Batman was arrested early this morning on suspicion of assaulting his 61-year-old mother and sister. Though this is not the first time Batman has tussled with women (see Catwoman, Poison Ivy, Danny DeVito, et al.), this is the first time he has lost.

Awesome

Questions are a tough guy

What do Mars and women at an Elvis Presley concert have in common?

The answer's in the headline.

Oversights are a tough guy

It appears that yours truly got so wrapped up in his Bastille Day celebrations that he forgot yesterday was Best Week Eva's birthday yesterday. Deac's bad. Happy Belated!

"Don't jump! 30's not so bad!...Okay, it is, but just don't jump!"

Happy Bastille Day!

...and nothing more.

Deac's Vacation in 13 photos

Cows...


...and Foxes...



...and Cougars. Oh, my!




Sorry, Cletus. No booze or guns at the Hoover Dam.


A Secret Love Affair Exposed


Deac's hand is not where you think it is.


Not cool.



Don't mess with these dudes


Nasty.


No, deac was not sitting to her left.


The rainmaker


Todd meets Elvis and Jackie Chan