KVWN News Team is whack

Somebody, please shut this guy down:

"KVWN News Team: THIS JUST IN - the news team is like buttah...they on a roll!!!!"

Great Moments in Drinking

Date: Some time in 2004

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Sharting is a Tough Guy

Shart - n., a small, unintended defecation that occurs when one relaxes the anal sphincter to fart; v., to accidentally defecate while trying to fart

Irwyn (left) sharting in church

Sharting at dinner

Lance Bass? Really? That's SHOCKING!

Lance Bass is gay! Thousands of now-twentysomething female hearts are broken. Twentysomething female hearts, as well as the heart of a 28-year-old network administrator at Merck.

For one distraught 'N*Sync fan, life will never be the same.

E-Rod is a tough guy

E-Rod is killing the Yanks. I hear he cries himself to sleep at night. And that he wipes his tears with $20 bills.

Great Moments in Drinking: Ry's Hurl & Moonwalk

Kids, it's time for a new segment on youretough.blogspot.com. It celebrates the pinnacle of drinking achievement. Hundreds have tried, but only a select few have had....
GREAT MOMENTS IN DRINKING

Our first moment comes to us from Ryan. Picture it: New York City, 2002. Eugene's. The eve of Ryan's 25th birthday:

One shot, two shots, three shots, four
"Beat It" comes on, Ry hits the dance floor

He's drunk as f, and gets real rude
Moonwalks right into some dude

Unfazed, he spins and kicks and twirls
Has more shots and then he hurls

The dance floor clears, he starts to get sober
Then he decides that the night is over

This moment was brought to you by Maker's Mark.

Tough = Apple Greenback

It's official: Merriam-Webster has replaced the word "tough" with "Apple Greenback." What brought about this sudden and swift change?

1. Heckling at bicyclists
2. Suggesting that we look up "bars" on our GPS system
   
3. Throwing a pot of flowers to the ground
4. Attempting to nap in the trunk of a rental car

A-Rod is a tough Knoblauch

Another day, another throwing error by A-Rod. Here's an idea: Pay the deacster $25 million to throw like a girl. He can do it with no problems.

The Deacster is a tough guy

The deacster threw out his back last night. But guess what....he STILL came into work today, albeit at 3:30. But who cares? There's no one tougher than yours truly.

Excess is a tough guy

To all 4 of Deacster Ranks's readers:

For the past several months, the deacster has brought 20 seconds of laughter into each and every one of your workdays. As payback, he thinks this is fitting:

103 inches of plasma beauty. Save up your pennies, ladies. September's right around the corner.

Truly yours,
The Deacster

WTF? It's hotter today!

It's hotter, too.

It's hot today!

It's hot, too.

Happy Mutherf'ing Birthday to Mr. Thithy Himself

28 yearth old, and thtill a thithy.

Sound Bway

In honor of the deacster's renewed interest in dancehall reggae from the '90s, you can now refer to him as Deacster Ranks. The deacster now joins the ranks of several other famous reggae Ranks: Shabba, Cutty, Nardo, and Larry. Lordamercy.

The Mets are a Tough Guy

July 12, 6:00 am: This week's Sports Illustrated is released.
July 12, 6:01 am: Longtime Met fans RJ and Ilwyn rejoice.

MAKE RAZORS FREE!

Yuck.

For the love of all that is pure and good, please make razors free! The deacster beseeches you. Bic!! Gillette!! Merkur!! What? You've never heard of Merkur? You must be friends with this broad, then:

The Second Half is a Tough Guy

Here we are, folks, at the halfway point of the regular season. The deacster's doing fairly well, situated square in the middle of the pack. He's had some ups and downs, namely injuries to key players early on, and the humiliating 9-1 defeat to Mutherf*kin Joke. The good news is that there's still plenty of baseball left, and that the first six teams will advance to the playoffs. So, barring any unforeseen tragedies, the deacon should be in the running for the huge jackpot at the end. Stay tuned, tough guys.

Zidane is from the streets

Exclusive! This is how Sunday's World Cup altercation unfolded -
Italian: Your mama is like the town horse.
Zidane: Say what, bitch?
Italaian: You heard me, Pierre.
Zidane: Aight, then
Henry: [Pizza slice in hand] Shoot the fair one.

Video

Stacy F., this is War!

You just dug your own grave, missy.

Atlantic City is a Tough Guy

ATLANTIC CITY HAS SHUT DOWN!

"The Price is Right" ratings shoot through the roof! New Jersey and Pennsylvania bingo halls filled to capacity! IHOP food supply dangerously low as thousands of senior citizens cope with this morning's state-ordered shutdown of all Atlantic City casinos. News at 11.